Don’t even ask us why, but we got one. Frankly, the graphic everybody’s splashing around the Intertoobs today is bothersome enough:
 

We’re not particularly religious, here at Droid News Net, and one god is as good as another – be it an especially un-nice sky-man with a big chip on his shoulder from ancient texts or an especially un-nice modern corporation with a big chip on its shoulder – and this probably wouldn’t have caused great alarm were it not for this bit in the accompanying text:

Just FYI: please arrive promptly, as per the detailed instructions below, and with a clean (a) right hand or (b) forehead area that does not already bear any tattoos or scars. Do scan the list for preexisting conditions – those with allergies to latex or standard local anesthetics, as well as needle phobics, will not be able to participate in iMark 1.0. This will render you unable – be you small or great, rich or poor, free or slave – to buy or sell any Apple products at this time. (Don’t worry, though, we’ll get you all soon, we promise!)

We weren’t going to do anything special at Droid News Net next Wednesday, aside from going "Yeah, it’s a great big expensive iPhone" and maybe laughing at MG Siegler, but now we think we might spend it in church, weeping and babbling to some poor cleric about how we totally wasted our lives, and now we see, we see.

We hear they have churches with bars and Wi-Fi in them, these days, so that’s cool.
 

^RNL

P.S. It gets more disturbing…